Frequently asked questions
What is a trans widow?
Why do you call yourself trans widows?
Women in this situation report feeling like their male partner has died. This is particularly the case if they decide to transition. The transformation is usually so complete that their partner is unrecognisable as the man they married both in looks and in personality. The woman will be forbidden from calling her husband by his previous “dead name”.
Women in this situation need a label to gather around and to identify with. “Trans widow” is the name that we have chosen and it is enabling us to find each other.
Is trans widow one word or two?
Trans widows? Isn't this term offensive?
What about the women who are perfectly happy with their trans husbands?
Who runs this website?
I am TinselAngel, I am a UK based trans widow, and I have been supporting other trans widows online for several years now. Mainly via Mumsnet and Twitter but also via other channels.
I also work to raise awareness of trans widows and to amplify their voices.
Our transitioning husbands are feted as stunning and brave, and we are expected to be supportive or even to celebrate their transition. Those of us who are unhappy or who chose to leave have been largely ignored. It is time the women involved in this phenomenon had equal coverage.
I am a feminist (of the second wave variety) and a mother. I try and bring a feminist analysis to my work with other trans widows and in my campaigning and consciousness raising.
Why didn't you leave sooner/stay?
We never judge women for leaving, for not leaving, or for not leaving soon enough. We understand how difficult it can be for a woman to leave a marriage.
Have you made these stories up?
Simply because if we are not, we fear reprisals from our ex-husbands or from their supporters. We also like not being sued
Why don’t you educate yourselves about gender?
Are you transphobic?
Autogynephilia doesn’t exist - the theory has been discredited.
Why are you anonymous?
Your stories seem very extreme, wouldn't you have a wider reach if you toned them down a bit?
We allow women to tell their stories in their own words and to share whatever relevant experiences they wish. The only proviso we make is the use of correct sex pronouns. We do not judge whether women's stories are easily digestible or whether they will play well with the casual reader. The aim of this website is to amplify trans widows' voices no matter how uncomfortable their stories may be.
We hope that in doing this, as well enabling women to know they are not alone, we will provide an evidence base that will help to establish just what is the norm for trans widows.